How to do a relationship check-up

Why the health of our relationships matters and how to do a relationship check-up.

We are, to the very core, relational. Oh, how we approach relationships may differ but even those who think they don’t need people, need people.

God designed humanity in His image. We know this because He says so in the Bible. 

“Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like ourselves. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that Surry along the ground.  So God created human beings in His own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:26-27, NLT)


Do you see what He says? 


Read it again.


Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image…(Genesis 1:26)


God’s use of the words “us” and “our” point to the relational community of the God-head: the Trinity. God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit give us a beautiful picture of what holy community looks like. And, we were designed in that image. So, relational community was God’s idea from the start.

Another great example of how God designed community and relationship is seen in the 10 Commandments. The first four commandments direct us in how to love and keep God first. The final six commandments concentrate on how we love and honor one another (Exodus 20).

One of the most comprehensive teachings on how to manage the health of our relationships comes through the words of Jesus in his Sermon on the Mount. His teachings outlined in Matthew 5-7 give us a pretty good indication that our relationships matter.  


Relational incongruence

So, we may get that relationships matter, that they are valuable, but what do we do when we begin to experience relationship incongruence? Because let’s be honest, we all land here from time to time.

Maybe we can go a little further and admit that in this particular season of history, in general, there is a lot of relational incongruences. If you’re not entirely sure that’s true, just scroll through social media. Go to ANY platform and pick a thread. Watch the news. Take time to listen not just to words, but the tone as you interact in your own community. 

The last eighteen months have been tough all the way across the board. We see how the stress of a pandemic and a contentious political climate has affected every part of our lives. Even more, the injustices of hate and power have been exposed in ways like never before. It’s like life as we know it has exploded and there’s no putting it back together again. And, frankly, that’s not a bad thing because all of what we’ve endured exposes the areas of brokenness. 

That might feel depressing, but it’s not. This mess we find ourselves in is the starting place for healing and new things. The LORD promises to bring beauty from the ashes, so we can stand in faith with expectant hope for justice and good to arise. 

Relationship Check-Up

I don’t know about you, but looking around at all of this can feel stressful. It’s overwhelming and in so many ways beyond what one person can do. Or is it? 

Okay, you and I may not be able to snap our fingers and make everything that’s wrong around us right, but there are some practical things we can do in our own spaces and places. Every time we purpose to do good there is a ripple effect that extends beyond what we can measure. When we choose to walk in love and grace that’s what we impart.

Check out this episode of the Pastor and the Counselor as they dive into how we can care for our relationships by doing a simple relationship check-up. Looking at how we are doing in our relationship communities is an important step in our journey for wellness. Regardless of what your personal situation may look like, these are some helpful practices that can reposition your heart.


Written by Maureen Brown

Maureen Is our Worship and Communications Pastor. She has served New Life Community alongside Pastor Ryan for 19 years.  She is passionate about Jesus and His Church, which is why she does what she does. Maureen has been leading worship, teaching, and mentoring her entire adult life. She graduated in 1996, from Emmanuel Bible College with a Bachelor of Religious Education in Professional Studies with a double minor in Christian Education and Music and then married Ryan—the love of her life. Maureen is a blogger so she brings a special set of gifts that are well used in the area of Communications here at NLC.